Monday, February 28, 2011

Your old lady is looking, Glass Door vs. Bald Head, Undies at the Oscars, SLAYER in Australia, AARON LEWIS in Connecticut, MEGAN FOX in a jeans commercial... without jeans?



  • Your marriage might be on the rocks when you find out your old lady is posing photos like this online.


  • You might want to nip that in the bud or at least start hitting on other women online...you know, tits for tat and all. (yes, I meant to type 'tits')

    THAT's TERRIBLE:
    (Just like this year's Academy Awards. What a snooze-fest. Oof)
  • It's just another quiet day in a local jewelry store...

    When your day gets interrupted by a glass door you really wish you secured to a cabinet takes out your scalp.



  • THAT's Not-So-TERRIBLE:

    (Unlike this year's Oscars... yes, we're going to beat that into the ground)


    who was one of a million actresses to wear her underwear to the Oscars? (Drunken Stepfather)

    Let's see, what kind of hint could we give... if you don't think of this one fast, you're going to be furious, amigo


    Doing the Math: Here’s How CBS Can Subtract Sheen and Still Come Up With “Two and a Half Men” (FreakShow Planet)

    Car Review: 2011 Nissan Xterra (Bullz-Eye)

    Alexa Nicole has great ... earrings. Yeah, that's what you're looking at. (z0d)

    Jasmine Foxx. No relation to Jaime Foxx... is sitting on the counter sans-undies. We hope someone disinfected those tiles (Daily Niner)



    I'M SORRY:
    (Sorry you stayed up to watch this year's Academy Awards... getting tired of that line yet?)

  • SLAYER are the best bunch of thrash metal old farts E V A R:

    This was in Australia over the weekend, and EXODUS guitarist Gary Holt is filling in for Jeff Hanneman, who lost a leg in a folding couch mishap. Umm, that's a lie.



  • STAIND frontman Aaron Lewis was in Connecticut with a rather large slide guitar player:

    Aaron entertained the crowd. Chubster entertained the idea of eating a few chickens.




  • From Shoe-staring to Bosom-ogling, we bring you the following announcement:

  • Saaay, is that MEGAN FOX in a commercial for Armani Jeans?

    If so, someone might want to tell her it's a jeans commercial. She's not wearing any. Jeans, that is.


  • If you had Double-D cans like Katerina Hartlova, you'd take a break from cooking to fondle yourself with a carrot.

    Don't act like you wouldn't. We know you WOULD. Shut up. You're a liar. You WOULD.


  • The lovely and sort-of talented Carmella Bing has a whole rack full of sex toys... but she opts for... A Banana??

    Sure, why go with the sterilized plastic vibrator when you can shove an aphid-covered Banana up yer butt. Not too many lights on in her attic.


  • Speaking of FOUNDRY CAMS... let's lookee here...
  • If Emma Ink looks familiar, that's because she's been in other FOUNDRY CAMS clips before (these girls change their names like they're changing their panties, for crying out loud). She's tattooed up and would be the perfect trophy to add to the back of your motorcycle... if you're into that kind of thing. Thanks to our friends in FURNAZE for the friendly music.
    Thanks to Jon for the editing, as always.




  • Watch the vid. Get all excited... then get yourself on over to Emma-Ink.com and watch Emma LIVE, on webcam, getting naked and dirty just for you. (and we do mean JUST for you, because she'll do the private VIP thing if you want)




    ...and that, friends... is the way you don't pay attention to the Academy Awards... Had enough yet?

  • Visit some of our other hot properties, won't you?

    We're on FourSquare...talking about all the cool shit we do... or wish we did

    FOUNDRYNEWS is online, so we can do the blogging thing

    Follow us on Twitter, or we'll send wolves to your house to gnaw at your privates

    be our friend on Facebook, or we'll send AIDS-infested gerbils through your vents to bite you while you sleep

    We've been on MYSPACE since the dawn of time. It was cavemen...and us...and Dane Cook.

    We're also on POSTEROUS, so read that shit.

    We also have a spot on this thing called NING, and that rhymes. Go us.

    FRIEND FEED also has a spot for FoundryMusic... because we're in desperate need of friends.


  • Friday, February 25, 2011

    MILF looking for a friend, Drunkard gets Racial (kind of), Drifing and Crashing in Russia, Ass in Leggings, Red Band PAUL trailer, SOILWORK's new video, CINDERELLA in Sweden, Brianna Frost



  • Your mom is taking provocative photos of herself...again. Can't say we don't mind.


  • You see, your mom's been on the market for a while...looking for a 'friend with benefits'...and we don't mean health insurance.

    THAT's TERRIBLE:
    (So is your face. Stop breaking mirrors, assface)
  • Stand back, folks... this drunkard is about to get all racial!

    If only he could REMEMBER what 'racial' means. Last time we checked, the word 'Kerosene' didn't fall under the guidelines of racist terminology.


  • Thank GOD for dashboard-mounted cameras...

    Honestly, how else would we get to see horrific highway accidents up close and personal -- like this one in Russia.



  • THAT's Not-So-TERRIBLE:

    (unlike your contribution to society, waste of space)


    Ass in Leggings! Ass in Leggings! Ass in Leggings! Yeah. So? (Drunken Stepfather)

    OK, how do we give away a hint for this one? blah blah blabbity blah... CHLOE...blabbity blah blah blah


    Nessa Is Nice and Naked and Showing off her Naughty Bits (FreakShow Planet)

    Car Review: 2011 Nissan Xterra (Bullz-Eye)

    What kind of a name is XLCR MOON, anyway? We have no clue and we can't pronounce it (z0d)

    Brigitte Anne is blonde, beautiful and showing off her Boobies. BRAVO. (Daily Niner)



    I'M SORRY:
    (Sorry that the only friend you have is that bottle of Jack you cozy up to every night.)

  • Swedish power metal group SOILWORK is getting all mellow in their old age:

    ... oh wait, we were thinking of Johnny Mathis. Common mistake. SOILWORK still sounds like a fist to the face... several times.



  • If Tom Keifer from CINDERELLA wants to sing any higher, he's going to have to put his nuts in a vise:

    We thought it was 'vice'... then we realized that he can't really put his nuts into cigarettes or alcohol... get it? Vice? Eh, we finally do.



  • ...and we finally broke down and watched the Red Band Trailer for the movie PAUL:

    NOW we understand why it's supposed to be so funny. Any movie that references "Alien Balls" this much has GOT to be funny.



  • From Bands and Big Ass Movies, we move along to... ok, we get it... BOOTY! *blows party horn*

  • What is Caroline Pierce doing in a movie called BIG WET ASSES?

    Here's a hint, Chester. She's not baking banana bread.


  • The lovely and talented Brianna Frost, who you have seen in countless FOUNDRY CAMS videos is lotioning up her chest:

    She must have very ashy skin, because why else would a gal rub so much lotion on herself?? Oh. Ah. Wait a moment. We get it now.


  • Speaking of FOUNDRY CAMS... let's lookee here...
  • If Emma Ink looks familiar, that's because she's been in other FOUNDRY CAMS clips before (these girls change their names like they're changing their panties, for crying out loud). She's tattooed up and would be the perfect trophy to add to the back of your motorcycle... if you're into that kind of thing. Thanks to our friends in FURNAZE for the friendly music.
    Thanks to Jon for the editing, as always.




  • Watch the vid. Get all excited... then get yourself on over to Emma-Ink.com and watch Emma LIVE, on webcam, getting naked and dirty just for you. (and we do mean JUST for you, because she'll do the private VIP thing if you want)




    ...and that, friends... is how we say "Beat it, monkeybrain"

  • Visit some of our other hot properties, won't you?

    We're on FourSquare...talking about all the cool shit we do... or wish we did

    FOUNDRYNEWS is online, so we can do the blogging thing

    Follow us on Twitter, or we'll send wolves to your house to gnaw at your privates

    be our friend on Facebook, or we'll send AIDS-infested gerbils through your vents to bite you while you sleep

    We've been on MYSPACE since the dawn of time. It was cavemen...and us...and Dane Cook.

    We're also on POSTEROUS, so read that shit.

    We also have a spot on this thing called NING, and that rhymes. Go us.

    FRIEND FEED also has a spot for FoundryMusic... because we're in desperate need of friends.


  • Wednesday, February 23, 2011

    MILF Cyborg - Maybe, Gun-shy Robbers, ADLER's APPETITE in SPAIN, DEICIDE in Rochester, STONE SOUR on Kimmel, Candy Manson wrapped in Gold, Carmen wrapped in Very little



  • Joey's mom is in the kitchen with giant tubs of whey protein. Crap. Joey's mom is a Cyborg


  • Oh hell, there's a first time for everything. hooking up with a cyborg could be a lot of fun...regardless of whether it's your friend's mom.

    THAT's TERRIBLE:
    (So is your face. Stop breaking mirrors, assface)
  • Check out the world's most gun-shy robbers...

    These geniuses held up a jewelry store in England. The shop owner had NO weaponry of any kind. He still chased them away... *cough* PUSSIES *cough*



  • THAT's Not-So-TERRIBLE:

    (unlike your contribution to society, waste of space)


    Could someone tell Bam Margera that if he's going to cheat, maybe he shouldn't be taking PICTURES of it (Drunken Stepfather)



    Anju... what a weird name. What a not-so-weird body (FreakShow Planet)

    Ten Movies the 2011 Academy Award Nominees Don't Want You to See (Bullz-Eye)

    Bobbi Billard has boobs you just want to go to bed on (z0d)

    Sofia Webber will have you so so so so so so...what were we saying? Dayum. (Daily Niner)



    I'M SORRY:
    (Sorry that the only friend you have is that bottle of Jack you cozy up to every night.)

  • DEICIDE could be the hardest-to-understand band playing today:

    Of course, that's a sweeping generalization based on one video of the low-end, gutteral howling done by the singer/bassist with the upside-down cross burned in his head. WOW, don't sound too judgemental now, sheesh..



  • ADLER's APPETITE continues to capitalize on the old GUNS N' ROSES catalog with gigs like this one in Spain:

    Eh, if SLASH can do it, so can Steven Adler... and comparing Adler to Slash is realistic... yeah, sure..


  • ...and we can't think of anything smarmy or sarcastic to say about STONE SOUR playing on JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE:

    Only that if CORY TAYLOR gets the VELVET REVOLVER gig, that's THREE bands that sucker is going to be in, and we'll be counting down until his massive corinary.



  • From Guitars... we spin the wheel of awesome over to... you guessed it! Girls!

  • Candy Manson is packed into a gold leotard just about as tight as humanly possible... and that, folks is no small feat:

    You ever wonder how a gal with 32DDD bosoms sleeps at night? Does she have to dig out a trench in her mattress? One can only wonder.


  • Once again, we must ogle the lovely...and busty...Carmen from Cam With Carmen...who you have seen in numerous FOUNDRY CAMS videos:

    There's nothing like strategically-placed heart-shaped decals to make the imagination run wild, thankyouverymuch.


  • Speaking of FOUNDRY CAMS... let's lookee here...
  • If Emma Ink looks familiar, that's because she's been in other FOUNDRY CAMS clips before (these girls change their names like they're changing their panties, for crying out loud). She's tattooed up and would be the perfect trophy to add to the back of your motorcycle... if you're into that kind of thing. Thanks to our friends in FURNAZE for the friendly music.
    Thanks to Jon for the editing, as always.




  • Watch the vid. Get all excited... then get yourself on over to Emma-Ink.com and watch Emma LIVE, on webcam, getting naked and dirty just for you. (and we do mean JUST for you, because she'll do the private VIP thing if you want)




    ...and that, friends... is how we say "Beat it, monkeybrain"

  • Visit some of our other hot properties, won't you?

    We're on FourSquare...talking about all the cool shit we do... or wish we did

    FOUNDRYNEWS is online, so we can do the blogging thing

    Follow us on Twitter, or we'll send wolves to your house to gnaw at your privates

    be our friend on Facebook, or we'll send AIDS-infested gerbils through your vents to bite you while you sleep

    We've been on MYSPACE since the dawn of time. It was cavemen...and us...and Dane Cook.

    We're also on POSTEROUS, so read that shit.

    We also have a spot on this thing called NING, and that rhymes. Go us.

    FRIEND FEED also has a spot for FoundryMusic... because we're in desperate need of friends.


  • Tuesday, February 22, 2011

    Birthday fun, Split Tongue Gal, DEAD ISLAND trailer, Latest TRANSFORMERS trailer, Jim Breuer and Sebastian Bach Screaming, SLASH and Brad Whitford Jamming, Lisa Ann Groping



  • Looking for a fun way to spend a special day, like ...uh, say... a birthday?


  • Get a birthday cake with a candle and blow it out by yourself in the bathroom. or surf some personal ads looking for some strange woman to make the sexy-sexy with...whichever you choose. It's your day, you know.

    THAT's TERRIBLE:
    (So is your face. Stop breaking mirrors, assface)
  • Truthfully, we're having a hard time deciding how this is anything other than awesome...

    She's got a split tongue = She's God's gift to girlfriends everywhere. C'mon. How is she NOT?



  • THAT's Not-So-TERRIBLE:

    (unlike your contribution to society, waste of space)

  • The latest trailer for TRANSFORMERS: Dark Of The Moon has hit the web:

    And this could be the most gloomy TRANSFORMERS flick ever. God, we hope so. That last one was kind of a stinker.


  • Speaking of amazing trailers, there are some folks in Hollywood who could take a lesson from this trailer for DEAD ISLAND:

    The game might suck (we have NO idea; it's not even finished yet) but if the trailer is any indication... it's going to be pretty F-ing awesome.



  • Which Jersey Girl is as Classy as you might suspect? (Drunken Stepfather)



    Madison Ivy is the kind of Poison that's just fine to get covered in (FreakShow Planet)

    12 Great Shows that were set in and Around High School (Bullz-Eye)

    Tammi and Melissa are awfully fine and awfully friendly... awfully (z0d)

    Danni Kalifornia is Stunning in any state, not just... oh wait, that's her last name (Daily Niner)



    I'M SORRY:
    (Sorry that the only friend you have is that bottle of Jack you cozy up to every night.)

  • SLASH and AEROSMITH's Brad Whitford spent some quality time in North Carolina the other day:

    Doing an Aerosmith cover of a Rufus Thomas song... and now our heads are spinning because that was like a 'Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon' thing going on there.



  • Jim Breuer and SEBASTIAN BACH had a little competition to see who could blow his voice out quickest:

    No, not really... but we're having a hard time seeing how that wasn't the end result.



  • ...Hey now... where's the GIRLS? Oh. Here they are

  • Tory Lane is about as subtle as a train wreck as she seduces this nice officer:

    Then again, when did you ever hear of anything subtle in a smut video? Exactly. NEVER.


  • If you had a body like Lisa Ann...

    You'd be feeling yourself up nonstop too. Don't even act like you wouldn't, Chesterfield.


  • If Emma Ink looks familiar, that's because she's been in other FOUNDRY CAMS clips before (these girls change their names like they're changing their panties, for crying out loud). She's tattooed up and would be the perfect trophy to add to the back of your motorcycle... if you're into that kind of thing. Thanks to our friends in FURNAZE for the friendly music.
    Thanks to Jon for the editing, as always.




  • Watch the vid. Get all excited... then get yourself on over to Emma-Ink.com and watch Emma LIVE, on webcam, getting naked and dirty just for you. (and we do mean JUST for you, because she'll do the private VIP thing if you want)




    ...and that, friends... is how we say "Beat it, monkeybrain"

  • Visit some of our other hot properties, won't you?

    We're on FourSquare...talking about all the cool shit we do... or wish we did

    FOUNDRYNEWS is online, so we can do the blogging thing

    Follow us on Twitter, or we'll send wolves to your house to gnaw at your privates

    be our friend on Facebook, or we'll send AIDS-infested gerbils through your vents to bite you while you sleep

    We've been on MYSPACE since the dawn of time. It was cavemen...and us...and Dane Cook.

    We're also on POSTEROUS, so read that shit.

    We also have a spot on this thing called NING, and that rhymes. Go us.

    FRIEND FEED also has a spot for FoundryMusic... because we're in desperate need of friends.


  • Friday, February 18, 2011

    The Ass Cam, Lemmy is a Cyborg, Kelsey Grammer is a dirty old man, Yet ANOTHER Jurassic Park Game, THOR is Hammer-smashingly Awesome, Emma is heavily Tattooed



  • What's a great way to stay warm this winter? Umm, go inside and light the couch on fire? OK, cool.


  • While you're doing that, surf the web and find a neglected woman to fool around with...after you're done putting out the couch, you know.

    THAT's TERRIBLE:
    (So is your breath. Sheesh, go gargle)
  • A few young ladies in Los Angeles decided they needed a little MORE attention paid to them.

    So they strapped a camera to their asses and recorded all the people who gave it a stare. Bravo. Daddy never held you, did he?



  • THAT's Not-So-TERRIBLE:

    (unlike your work ethic, lazy bones)


    There's something seriously creepy about watching Kelsey Grammer suck face (Drunken Stepfather)



    Hella has an atomic wedgie going. Thank God she loses her undies quickly. Bless you, child. (FreakShow Planet)

    12 Great Shows that were set in and Around High School (Bullz-Eye)

    Becky Payne is the kind of gal you just want to throw in a pool because she's so smoking hot (z0d)

    Sara Clayton has her undies yanked up to her chin. That can't be good for her circulation (Daily Niner)



    I'M SORRY:
    (Sorry that the only woman that has something nice to say to you is that hooker you visit every week.)

  • This confirms it. Lemmy Kilmister is a cyborg. No one can consume that much Jack Daniels and French Fries and still keep breathing:

    Quick, let's lure Lemmy into a hydraulic press and smoosh him before he kills Sarah Connor... or something.



  • From Lemmy, we take a sharp left over to the Lost World... kinda:
  • It's 2011, and there's another JURASSIC PARK video game being released?

    Looks great? A decade too late? You decide. There's something to be said for dinosaurs, though.



  • ...and from game trailers to movie trailers...
  • We're trying to think of something shitty and sarcastic to say about Kenneth Brannagh's THOR movie...

    But how can you say something mean about a movie that has HAMMER-SMASHED FACE?? Exactly. You can't. Move along, now.




  • ...OK, that's enough of that. Bring on the GIRLS!

  • If Emma Ink looks familiar, that's because she's been in other FOUNDRY CAMS clips before (these girls change their names like they're changing their panties, for crying out loud). She's tattooed up and would be the perfect trophy to add to the back of your motorcycle... if you're into that kind of thing. Thanks to our friends in FURNAZE for the friendly music.
    Thanks to Jon for the editing, as always.



  • Thursday, February 17, 2011

    MARS needs MILFs, NIKKI SIXX needs Therapy, IRON MAIDEN needs a Plane, The POODLES need to figure out what year it is, Christine Mendoza needs clothing



  • Good day to you, madam. Planning a trip to MARS? Here's hoping you find a gentleman to spend time with on your trip:


  • MILFs need hugs devote to humping...and then some. So get to it, fella.

    THAT's TERRIBLE:
    (So is your breath. Sheesh, go gargle)
  • Ever heard of a place in India called Kerala? No? Neither have we. Until today.

    That's some swell driving, buddy. Why not try to keep all of the wheels on the ground next time.



  • THAT's Not-So-TERRIBLE:

    (unlike your work ethic, lazy bones)


    Why is Karissa Shannon changing a tire in her bra? (Drunken Stepfather)

    Ahh, wait. We know the answer to this one. she's trying to attract attention to herself so you'll buy her sex video that she made with her black boyfriend. Sheesh, that was a mouthful.


    Madison Ivy in Poison Ivy! heh. Just kidding. She's in Lingerie. Poison Ivy was funnier though (FreakShow Planet)

    Cross Fit: The Training, the Games, the B.S. (Bullz-Eye)

    Isis Taylor has some nice nubs..and some red friggin' lips (z0d)

    Aryka Lynn is ... umm... ah... well. Crap. Train of thought derailed. Hot blondes just do all kinds of things to our no-no place (Daily Niner)



    I'M SORRY:
    (Sorry that the only woman that has something nice to say to you is that hooker you visit every week.)

  • Nikki Sixx and SIXX A.M. have a new video for "Lies of the Beautiful People"

    Ironically, it's filled with really ugly people.



  • Going on a flight? Meet your captain. It's that guy from IRON MAIDEN

    Feel safe yet?



  • Want to wear tight white leather pants? Um, you'd best move to Sweden and hang with The POODLES:

    It's 1987 all year long in Sweden, baby.




  • ...and we sashay away from the bands and move on over to...the bimbos! Yes!!!

  • Whaddya know? It's our old friend Christine Mendoza and she's hanging with her pal Sasha:

    So what if the video is four years old? She's still smoking hot, and besides... we saw cleavage and our brains fell out.


  • Do you know who Brynn Tyler is? No? Neither do we.

    Well, ok... we lied. That's a picture of her right there. She's in a bikini, kind of...


  • Danni G (or Danni Gee, whichever you prefer) is decked out in one of our old-school FOUNDRYMUSIC T-shirts (torn and tailored to fit, of course), and showing off her multi-colored locks as well as her magnificent body in this brand FOUNDRY CAMS new clip featuring music from our pal MIKE 13, who took time away from LL COOL J to send us some tunes. Thanks to Jon for the editing.



    Click it, fool... then haul ass to FOUNDRY CAMS and chat with Danni Gee LIVE...and Naked... (we mean HER... if you want to get all naked and sloppy, that's your decision)




  • ...and that, as they say is our way of saying "We love you"... now scram!

  • Visit some of our other hot properties, won't you?

    We're on FourSquare...talking about all the cool shit we do... or wish we did

    FOUNDRYNEWS is online, so we can do the blogging thing

    Follow us on Twitter, or we'll send wolves to your house to gnaw at your privates

    be our friend on Facebook, or we'll send AIDS-infested gerbils through your vents to bite you while you sleep

    We've been on MYSPACE since the dawn of time. It was cavemen...and us...and Dane Cook.

    We're also on POSTEROUS, so read that shit.

    We also have a spot on this thing called NING, and that rhymes. Go us.

    FRIEND FEED also has a spot for FoundryMusic... because we're in desperate need of friends.


  •