Get your Holiday Body Back, Uncle Ted Nugent Selling Crazy, Gisele, FOUNDRY CAMS and FOUNDRY - together at last, Joe Satriani is God, Lemmy is God, Mike Portnoy is Good, Lana and Dawson are very topless

THAT's TERRIBLE:
(Actually, it's NOT. But your inability to get your hefty ass off the couch IS. Move a little, why dontcha?)

The holiday season is just around the corner, and you can either look like this:


...Or you could get a little help from someone who knows what she's doing, and look like THIS:

Choose wisely, Chesterfield.

THAT's Not-So-TERRIBLE:

Old 'Uncle' TED NUGENT would seem a lot more sensible if he didn't sound so F-ing Crazy all the time:

Here's Nugent, kicking back on his porch, selling crazy to the Michigan news. Look at that face.

When he's not being nuts, he actually makes really great music... see?



Kim Kardashian is selling... toilet paper?? (Drunken Stepfather)

A job is a job, right Kim? Atta girl! Just like the 'blow' job you gave Ray J in that tape of yours a while back...just sayin'

Featured Model: Holly Lynn (Bullz-Eye)

Sunny Lane has a shiny landing strip...but not big enough for a plane. (FreakShow Planet)

Anita Dark and another clear case of "Shouldn't have even bothered to wear a bikini" (z0d)

Sophie Dee's Boobs make us want to breast-feed zoo animals. By 'zoo animals' we mean 'us' (Dailyniner)


I'M SORRY:
(Sorry that one day the cops are going to have to knock a hole in your wall to get you out of the house, chunky-butt.)

His name is JOE SATRIANI ...and he plays guitar better than you and everyone who looks like you:

This is his new video for "Light Years away, off of his new CD Black Swans & Wormhole Wizards.

If you ever wanted to stare at a drummer's armpits for six minutes, now's your chance:


Drummer Mike Portnoy, who used to be in DREAM THEATER, but is currently touring with AVENGED SEVENFOLD, has a camera set up in front of his drum kit. Now you can drool over his sweaty armpits during every show.

God's greatest creation is probably women with big boobs. His SECOND greatest creation would have to be Lemmy Kilmister from MOTORHEAD:


We say this because two guys felt compelled enough about him to make an entire documentary about the man... and that link above is for the second teaser.

From Lemmy, we segue into Lickable Ladies... Nice transition, right?

Everyone...say hello to Ultra-busty Romanian Lana Ivans:

OK, you can pick your jaw up off the floor now because there's a LOT more of Lana to see... click it, dummy.

Don't you just hate when your workout pants are too tight? so does Dawson Miller:

She's out of those constricting pants faster than you can shout "Get Naked or I'll Kill Your whole family!" ... not that you WOULD... just sayin'

The lovely buxom blond Gisele, who you have seen in countless FOUNDRY CAMS videos as well as her own site GOT GISELE, has returned to help us promote Retooled, the new FOUNDRY EP, available at all major online outlets. In the clip, Gisele makes some creative use out of a long shiny black light, while shaking her semi-clothed body to FOUNDRY's "Black Lights, Bright City" (Retooled by Rich DeCicco).
Thanks to Rich for the great remake. Thanks to Jon for the amazing editing, and thanks to Gisele for the rockin' bod.



Click on Gisele's impressive rack, then rock out with some FOUNDRY.
When your jaw stops swinging open, Go visit her at Got Gisele
...you can also Chat with Gisele LIVE on her cam

...and that, kids... is how we wrap up today's big-ass-salad of funs....

Visit some of our other hot properties, won't you?

We're on FourSquare...talking about all the cool shit we do... or wish we did

FOUNDRYNEWS is online, so we can do the blogging thing

Follow us on Twitter, or we'll send wolves to your house to gnaw at your privates

be our friend on Facebook, or we'll send AIDS-infested gerbils through your vents to bite you while you sleep

We've been on MYSPACE since the dawn of time. It was cavemen...and us...and Dane Cook.

We're also on POSTEROUS, so read that shit.

We also have a spot on this thing called NING, and that rhymes. Go us.

FRIEND FEED also has a spot for FoundryMusic... because we're in desperate need of friends.

Make yourself a Holiday Hottie, Don't make professor Talbert Angry, Green Lantern Trailer, Katie Price Comeback New videos from RATT and DISTURBED, Waking up with Wendy 4, Samantha Blake and Sabrina Maree

So, you've had a few kids, you're getting older, and you figure "What the heck, I'm gonna eat a whole cake, right?

WRONG. See the woman below? Seven months ago she was pregnant with that baby. She just won 2nd place in a figure model competition<

Nothing special, just the right diet and the right workout plan. If she can do it, YOU can too...and for a limited time, you can do it really cheap, too!

THAT's TERRIBLE:
(But your sense of aim really sucks. How hard IS it to blow your brains out when you're drunk?)

Professor Talbert teaches HA 1174 at Cornell University. Professor Talbert gets angry when students yawn in his class.

Don't make Professor Talbert Angry. You wouldn't like him when he's angry. Hell, you might not like him even when he's NOT angry. He might be kins of a prick, ya never know.

THAT's Not-So-TERRIBLE:

The first trailer for Ryan Reynolds' sarcasm-laced version of GREEN LANTERN has hit the web, and it's pretty much what you'd expect:

Green. Very, very GREEN.

Who cares about Katie Price? Umm, WE DO! (Drunken Stepfather)

Especially if you've seen some of the Katie Price Uncensored Nude Video that we've seen. Oh, you'd sure as hell care

Unnecessary Liaisons: 15 TV Couplings That Never Should Have Happened (Bullz-Eye)

No matter how many times Sandee Westgate touches her no-no spot, it's always like the first time EVER (FreakShow Planet)

Cody Milo knows where her underwear goes... on the floor (z0d)

Lupe Fuentes is the next really big thing in smut... it's not like she's extremely seductive and sexy...oh wait, she IS (Dailyniner)


I'M SORRY:
(Someday... Love will find you... break those chains that...oh wait, no it won't, asshole.)

Them Chicago boys in DISTURBED have a new video out for "The Animal", and it's... well, disturbing:

They're cannibalizing a young lady and promoting Asylum (Limited Edition)(CD/DVD). Boy, being a rock star sure looks nifty, don't it?

It sure does, Harvey. It sure DOES.

The new RATT video for "Eat me Up Alive" sounds a hell of a lot better than the same song in Oswego a few months back:

Pearcy even looks like he's having a little fun out there, doesn't he? Infestation isn't a bad album in all honesty.

AND from RATT the band we move to RACKS of boobs!

Waking up next to a very topless very sexy Wendy 4 looks fun, don't it?

Yeah, well if you're into large-breasted hotness with walnut brains...and who isn't?

The sensual Samantha Blake...err, Buxton...err, whatever is relieving herself of her pesky clothes.

and she's got the kind of booty you could eat corn flakes off of. If that's your thing.

Her name is Carmen Croft and she's soaping up her huge Czech boobs in the shower.

That, friends...is ALL the information you need

Her name is Sabrina Maree and she HAAAAATES tight underwear.

Thank goodness hers comes off quickly for easy diddling

Chad Smith (RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS, CHICKENFOOT) and his funk-rock band, CHAD SMITH's BOMBASTIC MEATBATS (Jeff Kollman, Kevin Chown, Ed Roth, and of course, Chad Smith) just dropped a new album titled 'More Meat' and they were saintly enough to give us the track "The Gunboat is On!"... we thought it only appropriate to have our own brown-haired, brown-eyed, BISEXUAL FOUDNRY CAMS babe Natasha do up a video for them. What you see here, folks, is the fruits of that



Click Natasha's Nicely-formed Hiney. then regain your composure and click on on over to FOUNDRY CAMS and chat with Natasha LIVE...and Naked... (YOU naked, HER naked, it's all good)
Of course, once you cool off a little, carry your carcass on over to FOUNDRY CAMS where you can chat with Natasha LIVE on cam for hours on end.

...and that, kids... is how we wrap up today's big-ass-salad of funs....

Visit some of our other hot properties, won't you?

We're on FourSquare...talking about all the cool shit we do... or wish we did

FOUNDRYNEWS is online, so we can do the blogging thing

Follow us on Twitter, or we'll send wolves to your house to gnaw at your privates

be our friend on Facebook, or we'll send AIDS-infested gerbils through your vents to bite you while you sleep

We've been on MYSPACE since the dawn of time. It was cavemen...and us...and Dane Cook.

We're also on POSTEROUS, so read that shit.

We also have a spot on this thing called NING, and that rhymes. Go us.

FRIEND FEED also has a spot for FoundryMusic... because we're in desperate need of friends.