Get your Holiday Body Back, Uncle Ted Nugent Selling Crazy, Gisele, FOUNDRY CAMS and FOUNDRY - together at last, Joe Satriani is God, Lemmy is God, Mike Portnoy is Good, Lana and Dawson are very topless

THAT's TERRIBLE:
(Actually, it's NOT. But your inability to get your hefty ass off the couch IS. Move a little, why dontcha?)

The holiday season is just around the corner, and you can either look like this:


...Or you could get a little help from someone who knows what she's doing, and look like THIS:

Choose wisely, Chesterfield.

THAT's Not-So-TERRIBLE:

Old 'Uncle' TED NUGENT would seem a lot more sensible if he didn't sound so F-ing Crazy all the time:

Here's Nugent, kicking back on his porch, selling crazy to the Michigan news. Look at that face.

When he's not being nuts, he actually makes really great music... see?



Kim Kardashian is selling... toilet paper?? (Drunken Stepfather)

A job is a job, right Kim? Atta girl! Just like the 'blow' job you gave Ray J in that tape of yours a while back...just sayin'

Featured Model: Holly Lynn (Bullz-Eye)

Sunny Lane has a shiny landing strip...but not big enough for a plane. (FreakShow Planet)

Anita Dark and another clear case of "Shouldn't have even bothered to wear a bikini" (z0d)

Sophie Dee's Boobs make us want to breast-feed zoo animals. By 'zoo animals' we mean 'us' (Dailyniner)


I'M SORRY:
(Sorry that one day the cops are going to have to knock a hole in your wall to get you out of the house, chunky-butt.)

His name is JOE SATRIANI ...and he plays guitar better than you and everyone who looks like you:

This is his new video for "Light Years away, off of his new CD Black Swans & Wormhole Wizards.

If you ever wanted to stare at a drummer's armpits for six minutes, now's your chance:


Drummer Mike Portnoy, who used to be in DREAM THEATER, but is currently touring with AVENGED SEVENFOLD, has a camera set up in front of his drum kit. Now you can drool over his sweaty armpits during every show.

God's greatest creation is probably women with big boobs. His SECOND greatest creation would have to be Lemmy Kilmister from MOTORHEAD:


We say this because two guys felt compelled enough about him to make an entire documentary about the man... and that link above is for the second teaser.

From Lemmy, we segue into Lickable Ladies... Nice transition, right?

Everyone...say hello to Ultra-busty Romanian Lana Ivans:

OK, you can pick your jaw up off the floor now because there's a LOT more of Lana to see... click it, dummy.

Don't you just hate when your workout pants are too tight? so does Dawson Miller:

She's out of those constricting pants faster than you can shout "Get Naked or I'll Kill Your whole family!" ... not that you WOULD... just sayin'

The lovely buxom blond Gisele, who you have seen in countless FOUNDRY CAMS videos as well as her own site GOT GISELE, has returned to help us promote Retooled, the new FOUNDRY EP, available at all major online outlets. In the clip, Gisele makes some creative use out of a long shiny black light, while shaking her semi-clothed body to FOUNDRY's "Black Lights, Bright City" (Retooled by Rich DeCicco).
Thanks to Rich for the great remake. Thanks to Jon for the amazing editing, and thanks to Gisele for the rockin' bod.



Click on Gisele's impressive rack, then rock out with some FOUNDRY.
When your jaw stops swinging open, Go visit her at Got Gisele
...you can also Chat with Gisele LIVE on her cam

...and that, kids... is how we wrap up today's big-ass-salad of funs....

Visit some of our other hot properties, won't you?

We're on FourSquare...talking about all the cool shit we do... or wish we did

FOUNDRYNEWS is online, so we can do the blogging thing

Follow us on Twitter, or we'll send wolves to your house to gnaw at your privates

be our friend on Facebook, or we'll send AIDS-infested gerbils through your vents to bite you while you sleep

We've been on MYSPACE since the dawn of time. It was cavemen...and us...and Dane Cook.

We're also on POSTEROUS, so read that shit.

We also have a spot on this thing called NING, and that rhymes. Go us.

FRIEND FEED also has a spot for FoundryMusic... because we're in desperate need of friends.

Wedding Photographer Brawl, Heather Locklear is Aging, Is Ted Nugent sick of 'Cat Scratch Fever' yet, Guns N Roses plays and no one throws bottles, Andie Valentino, and Cassia Walton whisk Away their Wardrobe

THAT's TERRIBLE:
(but not as bad as the news you're about to get, fella)

I now pronounce you man and... aww shit... the photographers are kicking the shit out of one another.

When the HELL could two wedding photographers POSSIBLY be brawling about?.

THAT's Not-So-TERRIBLE:



Heather Locklear is Starting to look her age (Drunken Stepfather)

Goddamn, man. Remember what Heather Locklear USED to look like?

Astronaut Douglas Wheelock's 30 Coolest Twitpics of Earth from Space (FunnyCrave)

Sasha is without question the most stunning woman we have ever... umm... *drool* (Freakshow Planet)

2010 NFL Preview (Bullz-Eye)

Kiera Moone has her hand in her panties. Maybe she's got an itch? (z0d)

14 Year Old Jr High Phenom Commits to Indiana (The Hoop Doctors)

Kagney Linn Karter is sitting on the stairs, sans panties. Thank you Jesus. (Dailyniner)

Fantasy Football Names: The 50 Funniest Of 2010 (Bleacher Report)

Please Come Back To Me Fratmusic (The Campus Socialite)

Meme Watch: Strutting Leo (UPROXX)

2010 SpoCom Hawaii - Booth Babes, Promo Models, Go-Go Dancers & Girls Galore (Sub5Zero)

I'M SORRY:
(Sorry that you got passed over for that promotion...again)

After 33 years, how sick do you think TED NUGENT is of playing "Cat Scratch Fever"?

Prbably very. And that's UNCLE TED to you!

Wait a sec... GUNS N' ROSES played a show in Milan...and no one threw shit...and no one had a hissy fit...

...and no one ran off stage? Naaaah, we don't believe it. Nope. Never.

OOOH! SexyBitchesMakingTheNakedHappyFuntime!

Perky young Andie Valentino is feeling a little constricted in her pink panties:

Off with you, vile underwear! Never to be seen again! Underwear is for prudes, dammit.

Perky young PLAYBOY Cyber Girl Cassia Walton cannot seem to keep her clothes on:

Really. They vanish... and then all kinds of fornication starts... because that's what happens.

21 year-old Breanna (aka BreannaRose) makes her FOUNDRY CAMS debut in this eye-popping topless video which features (of course) Breanna, one of our old-school, ripped up FoundryMusic T-shirts, and Breanna's outstanding topless body. You'll never wish you were a tiny white thong more in your life.
Thanks to Danish heavy metal band PRETTY MAIDS for the song "Pandemonium".



Click on Breanna's ta-tas...watch the full vid...rock out for a while... then once you're all done drooling into a bucket, head on over to FOUNDRY CAMS and chat with Breanna LIVE on CAM!

Visit some of our other hot properties, won't you?

We're on FourSquare...talking about all the cool shit we do... or wish we did

FOUNDRYNEWS is online, so we can do the blogging thing

Follow us on Twitter, or we'll send wolves to your house to gnaw at your privates

be our friend on Facebook, or we'll send AIDS-infested gerbils through your vents to bite you while you sleep

We've been on MYSPACE since the dawn of time. It was cavemen...and us...and Dane Cook.

We're also on POSTEROUS, so read that shit.

We also have a spot on this thing called NING, and that rhymes. Go us.

FRIEND FEED also has a spot for FoundryMusic... because we're in desperate need of friends.

Thursday Links: Low Cost Dentistry, Baldwin Daughter Gets Revenge, Ginger Spice is looking Old, John Mayer is Sorry, Ted Nugent Is Patriotic

THAT's TERRIBLE:

No money for dental insurance? No Problem!




Just get a big-ass brick, a piece of string, and hold yer breath...

THAT's NOT-SO TERRIBLE:

(but if you keep making that pouty face, it's going to stay that way)





Ginger Spice Got Old, didn't she? (Drunken Stepfather)



...we prefer to remember the Ginger Spice...aka Geri Halliwell who used to make big boob topless videos





Ireland Baldwin has gotten her revenge...mwahahahaha! (WWTDD)



...and since we're total filthbags, let's all stare lovingly at nude pictures of her mother, Kim Basinger.



Blast From the Past Model: Meriah Nelson (Bullz-Eye)



Brandi Bryant Breaks out her Boobs and Booty (FreakshowPlanet)



Top Ten Bear Stories You Need to Know About (Gunaxin)



Colleen Connolly Can't Keep her Clothes On (z0d)



Ten signs your friend is a terrible wingman (The Campus Throne)



Irena and her heavy natural boobs hanging out on the Dock



6 Great Songs Written About Drugs (Afro Jacks)



T-Shirt War! (daveandthomas)



5 Valentine's Day Cards Inspired by the Jersey Shore (CollegeHumor)



Animated Dinasaur Sex? Yes Please (Warming Glow)



10 Rejected Wii Accessories (Comedy)



10 Things You Didn't know about the Brat Pack (MovieFone)



I'M SORRY:

(Sorry that have successfully managed to alienate everyone who has ever tried to help you. Well done, fella!)

Our buddy our friend JOHN MAYER made a tearful apology during his Nashville comment last night:



He's sorry for all those things he said in PLAYBOY recently.

Outspoken conservative and all-around badass TED NUGENT banged out the National Anthem in Texas:



No animals were bow-hunted during the making of this video.

Those dandy fellas in BULLET FOR MY VALENTINE are releasing a new CD in the Spring:



This is the new single "Your Betrayal", and it goes out to radio on March 8.

From bands to breasticles, here's Hungarian hotness Dorothy Green:



Her bikini fell off. No it didn't. She took it off. Seriously. She meant to.

This amazingly fit babe is PLAYBOY's Jessica DeCarlo:



She has NO problem walking around bare-assed, letting guys take photos of it....and we have NO problem with that

WHo IS this large-breasted European blond? Why, it's none other than Katerina, that's who!



She's having a very hard time keeping her boulders in that boulder-holder...and that's just the start of this dirty girl's fun

Our FOUNDRY CAMS girl Brooke made us a finger-licking video. Rob Balducci sent us his new track "Choke". Together, they look like this:






Click on Brooke's Body, crack a beverage, and forget whatever you had planned for the day. she'll be online when you get done mopping up.

Visit some of our other hot properties, won't you?


FOUNDRYNEWS is online, so we can do the blogging thing



Follow us on Twitter, or we'll send wolves to your house to gnaw at your privates



be our friend on Facebook, or we'll send AIDS-infested gerbils through your vents to bite you while you sleep



We've been on MYSPACE since the dawn of time. It was cavemen...and us...and Dane Cook.



We're also on POSTEROUS, so read that shit.



We also have a spot on this thing called NING, and that rhymes. Go us.



FRIEND FEED also has a spot for FoundryMusic... because we're in desperate need of friends.