Wednesday Links: Oblivious Old Woman, Windsor Guard Pukes, Mary Carey's fun-sized bags, Megan Fox ain't a slut, New SLASH and MEGADETH videos

It's Hump Day, kids! find a fancy, refined, married woman...and start HUMPING!



Married women need love too, and you're just the person to give it out!



THAT's TERRIBLE:

(but the way your breath smells IS, so have a mint, whydontya?)

Want to see the most OBLIVIOUS old woman on the planet?




The store is being ROBBED. She has no idea.

This guard in front of Windor Palace must have had a rough night:




Projectile vomiting WHILE marching? Well done, old chap!

Mary Carey has obnoxious boobs (Drunken Stepfather)



But who cares...because she really knows how to use them... in her movies... which are not suitable for minors.





Megan Fox says she's not a slut (WWTDD)



However... She really does enjoy playing one in the movies!



Featured Model: Rali Ivanova (Bullz-Eye)



Mindy Main has Massive (fake) Melons (FreakshowPlanet)



Is it worth using Viagara if you don't need it? (The Campus Throne)



Nikita Valentin... is very naked...in the woods. Watch out for poison ivy! (z0d)



50 spoilers in 4 minutes (Inside Movies)



Asian Lesbian Babes and a lot of Candy bracelets (Dailyniner)



Forget Beer Pong -- Turtle Racing Is the Newest Bar Trend (Asylum)



20 Horrifyingly Awesome Velvet Paintings (FunnyCrave)



6 Most Memorable REAL WORLD departures (UPROXX)



Our buddy Robert Kelly with Kevin Nealon at the Laugh Factory:





I'M SORRY:

(Sorry that you never developed emotionally beyond the age of two. It's OK. It happens. With DOGS, usually)

The guest lineup for the new SLASH album is more impressive than this year's Grammy's:



Fucking OZZY OSBOURNE and SLASH, just working out ideas.

The semi-reunited MEGADETH (David Ellefson rejoined on 2/8/2010) kicked off the Rest In Peace 20th Anniversary Tour in Spokane:



That would be Dave Mustaine behind that big red mop of hair.

The lovely, New York-born Ivy Black has a big bottle of baby oil:



and a big-ass hardwood floor. Someone's going to get hurt.

What's the best thing about all the topless beaches in Europe?



Gee, let's think about this...could it be...ALL THE TOPLESS WOMEN?!?! Um, yeah.

Everyone say "howdy" to 20 year-old Czech Beauty KAMI...she must be a cowgirl. You know, cuz of the hat.



Who else wears pink furry cowboy hats? OK, well EXCEPT for pimps in the late 1970s.

Busty, blond, BISEXUAL Femme, who you have seen in countless FOUNDRY CAMS videos, fires up her fantastic body in this new clip with music by George Lynch (ex-DOKKEN) and our buds in LYNCH MOB:







CLICK ON FEMME's BEAUTIFUL BISEXUAL BODY...and have a bib handy

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