Your Mom Pushing a Sports Car, Follow us on the Twitter, STEELHEART goes Splat, OZZY Bites Bats, PANTERA gets fat, Gianna Michaels, Asa Akira, Alexis Texas, and more!

Let's remind you of some important shit, shall we?
You follow US on twitter and we follow YOU on twitter. Simple enough, right?
- Follow this one and we'll keep you up to date on all the children we abdut...KIDDING!
- Now Follow this one (we'll keep you up to date on what all the girlies are doing)

You might want to give your mom a call and tell her that THIS is why they invented tow trucks:

There are plenty of ditzy MILFs online just waiting for a fella to give them a lift... snd then some.

THAT's TERRIBLE:
(Same as the way you say mean things under your breath, thinking no one will notice. Of course everyone DOES)

What do you get when your singer grabs onto a lighting truss that isn't properly secured to the stage?

You get SPLAT! and a band that won't be touring for a while.

...and THAT was the last anyone heard from STEELHEART for about ten years.

THAT's Not-So-TERRIBLE:

(Unlike your feet, which smell like you walked through elephant shit)

OMG and WTF?!?! Could it be ANOTHER foreign-language trailer for X-MEN: FIRST CLASS???

It SURE is, and in this one at least everyone's speaking English!

Please don't suck... Please don't suck... Please don't suck... Please don't suck... Please don't suck...

Kristin Bell looks just lovely in a yellow bikini

Agree with us, dammit... or we'll send Charlie Sheen to your house to babble you to death.

Lux Cassidy and Michelle Maylene are awfully friendly and awfully fond of hot pants (FreakShow Planet)

"Your Highness" star Natalie Portman Slideshow (Celebrity Teaser)

Tierra Lee is All Natural and all kinds of ... wait, what were we saying (z0d)

McKenzie Miles is on the golf course, but we're willing to bet her handicap is holy hell in a handbag (Daily Niner)

I'M SORRY:
(Sorry your taste in women is like your taste in clothing; cheesy, beat up, and worn out)

Back in 1986, MEAT LOAF... err, OZZY OSBOURNE went on British TV to explain biting the head off a bat:

"His name was Robert Paulsen"..."His name was Robert Paulsen"..."His name was Robert Paulsen"...

Robert Paulsen wrote a book? No way, dude!
...and if you ever wondered what it would be like to work for a band like PANTERA, wonder no more son...

Slugging down hot sauce, salad dressing, multiple drinks and worcestershire sauce for hundreds of dollars? WHERE DO WE SIGN? Well, nowhere now. PANTERA doesn't exactly exist anymore.
That band made some of the best home video EVER. Don't even attempt to argue. You'll lose

OK, time to bring out the beeeeeyotches, yo

What's that you say? Gianna Michaels? In a purple bikini??? Where???

Oh. Right there. Cool.
and what happens when you put Asa Akira, Alexis Texas, and Kristina Rose in a room together?

Why, you get a movie called BUTTWOMAN vs SLUTWOMAN.

See? No lying going on here, folks...

Facelifts are let's face it, necessary...and FOUNDRY CAMS was no exception to that rule, so we did this:

We totally revamped FOUNDRY CAMS, with a new domain, hotter girls, lower prices, and a better user experience. So far, the response has beeen HUGE. Check it out:


and if you feel like following us on Twitter (we'll keep you up to date on what all the girlies are doing)

Click it, fool!

Speaking of FOUNDRY CAMS check out what WE got from GISELE:
The lovely blonde Gisele, who you have seen in dozens of FOUNDRY CAMS videos, is back at it once again with a hosed-down FoundryMusic T-shirt, high heels, and very little else on. She's shaking her perfectly-formed hiney to FOUNDRY's "Ain't Like You" from the RETOOLED album, mixed by Rich DeCicco and featuring our buddy Rob Balducci on guitar. Thanks as always to Jon for the editing.

Buy FOUNDRY: Retooled now at Amazon:



Watch Video. Click Photo. Enjoy Gisele. Simple, right? (you'd be shocked how many people fuck that up)

...and that, friends... is the way to make cookies with a cement mixer.

Visit some of our other hot properties, won't you?

We're on FourSquare...talking about all the cool shit we do... or wish we did

FOUNDRYNEWS is online, so we can do the blogging thing

Follow us on Twitter, or we'll send wolves to your house to gnaw at your privates

be our friend on Facebook, or we'll send AIDS-infested gerbils through your vents to bite you while you sleep

We've been on MYSPACE since the dawn of time. It was cavemen...and us...and Dane Cook.

We're also on POSTEROUS, so read that shit.

We also have a spot on this thing called NING, and that rhymes. Go us.

FRIEND FEED also has a spot for FoundryMusic... because we're in desperate need of friends.

Lonely MILF goes shopping, Arm-Farting Old Man, PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN - New Trailer, BATMAN: Arkham City Trailer, WINGER in Brazil, Ripper Owens in Quebec, Shyla Styez & Alexis Texas

Bored? Lonely? Don't look at us, we're out-of-shape and introverted There IS however a woman in your neighborhood who is just waiting for you though:

She could be at the mall... aor at the supermarket... antsy for you to introduce yourself.

THAT's TERRIBLE:
(Just like your general state of health, you elephant. There's a busy highway. Go for a walk.)

Never underestimate the hilarity of an old Iranian man arm-farting:

He could be Armenian...but that's missing the point entirely. Just watch the damn video.

THAT's Not-So-TERRIBLE:

You will not miss Orlando Bloom or Kiera Knightley in the new PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN film, On Stranger Tides:

The trailer hit the web the other day and this franchise is going to make another Gazillion dollars from the looks of it.

Speaking of cool ass trailers, have you seen this preview for the game Batman: Arkham City yet?

Whaddya mean, 'no'? Click it, fool!.

What does Katie Price look so pissed off about? (Drunken Stepfather)

Oh how silly... WE know... she had to be reminded of the sex video she made when she was younger... cuz you know, she tends to forget.

Your Ultimate Gamer's Gift Guide (the Bachelor Guy)

2011 DODGE CHARGER: A Review (Bullz-Eye)

Got pregnant? Got Fat? You Gotta Get this book! (Muscle Sorority)

Cassie Walton is way too hot for that bikini... she should remove it. Oh look! (FreakShow Planet)

Theo. Guy's name...her body is ALL...WOMAN (z0d)

Jana Jordan wore an itsy-bitsy, teenie-weenie, red polka-dot bikini... but not for long (Dailyniner)


I'M SORRY:
(Sorry you think you have a soul in that bloated body of yours. It's long gone, sweetness.)

Hey! You...over there! Remember the band WINGER??

...They're HUGE!... in Brazil.

Keeping with the obscure, but somewhat-still-relevant, Tim 'Ripper' Owens brought his kids up on stage during a show in Quebec:

To deviate from the set a little, they knocked out some classic AC/DC with "T.N.T." for those Canadian savages (kidding!)

OK, onto the boobies (we know whatcha want)...

Blond, busty and totally filthy Shyla Stylez is barely stuffed into her nurse outfit:

She's out of it completely and getting ravaged in Wet Dreams Cum True 6 - On Demand Now ... Don't act all shocked. You knew where that clip was headed.

Ass-tacular Alexis Texas is showing off her hiney in a pink thong:

...and then getting it packed full of protein in Apple Bottomz 4 - On Demand Right now.

Our busty blond pal Gisele, who you have seen in countless FOUNDRY CAMS videos as well as her own site GOT GISELE, has returned to help us promote Retooled, the new FOUNDRY EP, available at all major online outlets. In the clip, Gisele makes some creative use out of a long shiny black light, while shaking her semi-clothed body to FOUNDRY's "Black Lights, Bright City" (Retooled by Rich DeCicco).
Thanks to Rich for the great remake. Thanks to Jon for the amazing editing, and thanks to Gisele for the rockin' bod.



Click on Gisele's impressive rack, then rock out with some FOUNDRY.
When your jaw stops swinging open, Go visit her at Got Gisele
...you can also Chat with Gisele LIVE on her cam

...and that, kids... is how we wrap up today's big-ass-salad of funs....

Visit some of our other hot properties, won't you?

We're on FourSquare...talking about all the cool shit we do... or wish we did

FOUNDRYNEWS is online, so we can do the blogging thing

Follow us on Twitter, or we'll send wolves to your house to gnaw at your privates

be our friend on Facebook, or we'll send AIDS-infested gerbils through your vents to bite you while you sleep

We've been on MYSPACE since the dawn of time. It was cavemen...and us...and Dane Cook.

We're also on POSTEROUS, so read that shit.

We also have a spot on this thing called NING, and that rhymes. Go us.

FRIEND FEED also has a spot for FoundryMusic... because we're in desperate need of friends.

Iraqi Soldier Loves Knives, MUSHROOMHEAD and CRASHDIET live, Lovely Latina Cleavage, Gemma Massey, Alexis Silver, and their British Boobs

THAT's TERRIBLE:
(but not as bad as your general state of health, madam. Why not go on a diet or three before your heart explodes)

Why is this Iraqi soldier hammering knives into his skull?

He's out of spoons. Duh.

THAT's Not-So-TERRIBLE:


whose outstanding Latina Cleavage is this? (Drunken Stepfather)

You might actually get this one...especially since she's been naked so many times...even when she was sporting a unibrow

Sydney Moon is mooning the camera...kinda. She's mostly diddling (Freakshow Planet)

Yoko Ono chats with Bullz-Eye.com (Bullz-Eye)

Rachel Mestonen in something resembling a bikini...only smaller (Gorillamask)

Sarah is really TAN...and NAKED...and TAN (Dailyniner)

I'M SORRY:
(Sorry that your heart is constantly thumping like a jackrabbit, you monstrosity)

Those masked maniacs in MUSHROOMHEAD blew the roof off Toad's Place in New Haven, Connecticut the other night:

Kind of looking like a pissed-off version of Blue Man Group.

Their new album is called Beautiful Stories for Ugly Children... makes us think of...us... *sob*

Because it's always 1987 somewhere, Swedish Glam Rockers CRASHDÏET enjoyed their time in Argentina:

Argentina must be in a time warp. Let's all take a trip down to South America!

They must be doing something right, because their latest album Generation Wild continues to sell


From heavy metal, we segue over to heavy hooters...

When busty British babe Alexis Silver isn't breast-feeding Zoo animals, she likes to wash her boobs in the tub:

of course, she's got to be clean considering the pounding she's about to get

Staying on the other side of the pond Gemma Massey is bailing on her pink lingerie:

In lieu of something more comfortable...which in this case is NOTHING at all.

Our friends in PAPA ROACH, who just released Time For Annihilation..On the Record, and On The Road gave us their song "Burn".
We had our own Nina from FOUNDRY CAMS tear up a FoundryMusic Shirt and make us a spank-tastic video:



Click on Nina's Cleavage to check out her Smokin' Hot Body...and then some.

Of course, once you cool off a little, carry your carcass on over to FOUNDRY CAMS where you can chat with Nina LIVE on cam for hours on end.

...and that, kids... is how we wrap up today's big-ass burrito of fun....

Visit some of our other hot properties, won't you?

We're on FourSquare...talking about all the cool shit we do... or wish we did

FOUNDRYNEWS is online, so we can do the blogging thing

Follow us on Twitter, or we'll send wolves to your house to gnaw at your privates

be our friend on Facebook, or we'll send AIDS-infested gerbils through your vents to bite you while you sleep

We've been on MYSPACE since the dawn of time. It was cavemen...and us...and Dane Cook.

We're also on POSTEROUS, so read that shit.

We also have a spot on this thing called NING, and that rhymes. Go us.

FRIEND FEED also has a spot for FoundryMusic... because we're in desperate need of friends.

Drunk Cab Fight, Beaten & Run Over, Jessica Simpson on Entourage, Christina Nude in GQ, Video Preview of OZZY's new CD, SLASH and Adam Levine LIVE, Booty and Boobies with Alexis Texas and Rachel Aldana

Happy Wednesday, or 'Hump day' as the Swedes refer to it as... so stop making copies of your assistant's ass and bring her to a motel

After all what is 'Hump Day' without 'Humping'?...Exactly. It's boring.

THAT's TERRIBLE:
(Like the lingering stench of body odor and farts you leave behind in every room)

Drunk guys start fight for the dumbest reasons...


...and sometimes in the dumbest places... like a taxi cab.

Getting your ass kicked + Getting Run Over + Getting it videotaped and thrown all over the internet...


...is pretty much the 'Trifecta of Embarrassing'... what a lousy day this guy is having.

THAT's Not-So-TERRIBLE:


Jessica Simpson Taped a Scene in 'Entourage' (WWTDD)

oofah... remember when Jessica slimmed down for 'Dukes of Hazzard'?...good times.


Christina Naked in GQ...thank you. (Drunken Stepfather)

Even though Christina's Never Been Shy about Showing off her body before, she's a MILF now...

Top 10 Things Not To Say During A One Night Stand (The Campus Socialite)

16 Reasons Why Sports and Music Should Not Procreate (UPROXX)

PLAYBOY's Teri Harrison is Totally Naked on the Kitchen Counter...hopefully it was cleaned first (Freakshow Planet)

Gisele Bundchen poses for the Hope lingerie company (Celebrity Teaser)

Amber Nicole... Two Great Names and Two Great Ta-Ta's (Dailyniner)

10 singers in successful bands who really aren’t all that good (Guyism)

A Practical Guide to Hiding Your Friend’s Porn Stash (FunnyCrave)

Koopa's Hell (College Humor)

Nichole Heiress Inherited a Whole Pile of Sexy (z0d)

15 Of the Best Film Bullies (Gunaxin)


I'M SORRY:
(Sorry that there isn't a toothpaste strong enough to clean those awful teeth of yours)

Our buddy our pal OZZY OSBOURNE has released a five minute-long video preview of his upcoming album Scream (click to pre-order!):

'Scream' will be released on June 22, but you can pre-order online now

The Ellen Degeneres Show was actually watchable the other day. SLASH and Adam Levine from MAROON 5 made a li'l appearance:

SLASH's new album is available now, and it's got more guest appearances than a Jerry Lewis Telethon! (oh MAN that was a bad one)

From Rocks to Racks...

Ass-tastic adult starlet Alexis Texas is oiling up that masterpiece hiney of hers:

And oiling it up is only the foreplay to the ass-pounding she gets in BIG WET ASSES 14 on-demand now!

Busty British Bombshell Rachel Aldana is sporting the luckiest sweater EVER:

and we mean that it's very tight and her L-Cup Boobs blast out of it FAST, thereby making it 'Lucky'.

and since we like shameless self-promotion as much as the next fella

Here's Samantha in one of our official FoundryMusic T-Shirts shaking her ass to "Satisfied" by SOCIAL CODE:

CLICK THE PIC TO SEE SAMANTHA's SEXY STRIP!
(well it almost rhymes)

Then, when you have some motor function back... chat with Samantha LIVE, one-on-one, on her cam!

Visit some of our other hot properties, won't you?

We're on FourSquare...talking about all the cool shit we do... or wish we did

FOUNDRYNEWS is online, so we can do the blogging thing

Follow us on Twitter, or we'll send wolves to your house to gnaw at your privates

be our friend on Facebook, or we'll send AIDS-infested gerbils through your vents to bite you while you sleep

We've been on MYSPACE since the dawn of time. It was cavemen...and us...and Dane Cook.

We're also on POSTEROUS, so read that shit.

We also have a spot on this thing called NING, and that rhymes. Go us.

FRIEND FEED also has a spot for FoundryMusic... because we're in desperate need of friends.

Poo-eating-Gorilla, New PIRANHA 3D trailer, Johnny Depp is a Boy Scout, Boring Bra on a Sexy Actress, New LIMP BIZKIT, ALICE COOPER and MEGADETH live, Alexis Texas, Katrin & Westy

Happy Mondee, everybuddy. Here's hoping you spent the weekend fornicating with a co-worker in a motel with lots of sex toys. If you didn't, then you're missing out, dagnabbit.

THAT's TERRIBLE:
(just like the smell you leave behind when you walk out of a room)

Going to the zoo... Going to the zoo... Gonna watch a gorilla eat his poo...


and that's it for the educational portion of today's update.

THAT's Not-So-TERRIBLE:

As if the first trailer wasn't mind-numbing enough, the second trailer for PIRANHA 3D will make your skin-crawl (but in a fun way):


Jam-packed with toothy fish, idiot college kids, and Doc Brown himself, Christopher Lloyd!.

Johnny Depp is a Goody Two-Shoes (WWTDD)


think 'Showgirls' .... 'Bound'... got it yet? No? You're a dipshit. (Drunken Stepfather)

Need Help? she apparently had a boob job to make her tiny boobs...less tiny... because why be obvious when you can be...subtle

'Iron Man 2' After Credits Scene Revealed [SPOILERS] (Comics Alliance)

Diana Doll is Damn sexy in her Green thong (Freakshow Planet)

Top 5 Light Beers (Bullz-Eye)

Vanessa Wade is a well-proportioned wife (Dailyniner)

Slave Leias Make For Sexiest Geek Car Wash Ever (Asylum)

Top 10 Movies Not To See With Your Parents (The Campus Socialite)

The 6 Greatest Movie Villains We Just Forgot About (UPROXX)

Nikki Benz is Blond, Buxom, Beautiful...and she's nekkid! (z0d)

The 20 Most Boobtastic Athletes Of All Time (Bleacher Report)

Creating Your Own Cockney Slang Words (FunnyCrave)


I'M SORRY:
(Sorry that there's no Nobel Prize for holding grudges...because you'd get it for sure!)

Finally (sarcasm intended)! Some new music from LIMP BIZKIT!:

Sounds like old LIMP BIZKIT...which is good if that's your thing.

Nice to see ALICE COOPER doing his thing on stage in Vancouver, and NOT breaking a hip:

ALICE COOPER and ROB ZOMBIE are on tour NOW! (click for tickets!)

We've said it before, but it's apparently true: MEGADETH is just as popular in Argentina as South American Hookers:

It's difficult to find something more popular than South American Hookers, wouldn't you say?

From Bands we move to booty...

Booty-tastic ALEXIS TEXAS - who has made more video than we can count is showing off her outstanding hiney on the stairs:

She's part German, and part Puerto Rican. Guess which part is Puerto Rican?

From Big Booty to Bigger Boobies...

Naturally-buxom Czech blondes Katerina Hartlova and Westy are playing a li'l game of indoor soccer:

We're much less interested in the dumb soccer game than the bisexual boob-fest that happens afterwards to be honest.

You like blondes, do ya Doc?

Why do we love sending out enormous old school FoundryMusic T-Shirts to our FOUNDRY CAMS girls? Because we love seeing what girls like Brooke and Sweet Victoria wind up doing with them. In this case, they made a vest and a miniskirt, respectively.
Thanks to our friends in FRAMING HANLEY for "Stupid Girl".

Click on Brooke blond locks, and stare wide-eyed at the screen for a while

Visit some of our other hot properties, won't you?

We're on FourSquare...talking about all the cool shit we do... or wish we did

FOUNDRYNEWS is online, so we can do the blogging thing

Follow us on Twitter, or we'll send wolves to your house to gnaw at your privates

be our friend on Facebook, or we'll send AIDS-infested gerbils through your vents to bite you while you sleep

We've been on MYSPACE since the dawn of time. It was cavemen...and us...and Dane Cook.

We're also on POSTEROUS, so read that shit.

We also have a spot on this thing called NING, and that rhymes. Go us.

FRIEND FEED also has a spot for FoundryMusic... because we're in desperate need of friends.