Stranded MILF needs help, BRET MICHAELS loves his Ford, FAST FIVE teaser trailer, JOE SATRIANI live in NYC, WITHIN TEMPTATION and Natalee Holloway, Lisa Ann, Rachel Starr, Nikki Benz, Sabrina Maree

What better way to introduce yourself to a lovely lady than assisting a MILF with her car...which is stuck in a half inch of water:

It's one of those little opportunities that don't come along very often. Her old man is nowhere in sight and she's looking for any help she can get... There's your in!

THAT's TERRIBLE:
(Just like your general state of health, you elephant. There's a busy highway. Go for a walk.)

As we have stated in the past, BRET MICHAELS is a friend of ours, but sometimes you just have to bust your friend's balls:

Especially when they show up in commercials like this one.

THAT's Not-So-TERRIBLE:

Holy crap. Could you possibly fit any more testosterone or explosions into the trailer for FAST FIVE?

Paul Walker and Vin Diesel get chased by The Rock...err, Dwayne Johnson in the fifth installment of FAST & FURIOUS MOVIES.

Pamela Anderson's billionth PLAYBOY cover (Drunken Stepfather)

Umm... we like the younger version that used to make lots of spontaneous sex tapes... but that's just us.

PLAYBOY's Celest Dimarco is one hot...um.. uh... wow, totally derailed (FreakShow Planet)

The Ultimate Gift Guide for the Well Dressed Man (the Bachelor Guy)

Bullz-Eye 2010 Year-End TV Review (Bullz-Eye)

Blake and Joanna were at a wedding, but got distracted (z0d)

Sasha Cane is our (and we're willing to bet yours too) kind of candy (Dailyniner)

Munchie The Agent: Aurora Snow (atom)

The 50 Hottest Magazine Photo Shoots of 2010 (BroBible)

TRUpidity - Test your Stupid Skills. Play Dumb (TruTV)


I'M SORRY:
(Sorry you think you have a soul in that bloated body of yours. It's long gone, sweetness.)

Do you know JOE SATRIANI?

Well why the hell not? This is him, on stage in New York City playing "Summer Song" with John Petrucci of DREAM THEATER (err, what's left of it).

Moving on to the slightly heavier, and slightly more obscure, this is the new video from WITHIN TEMPTATION for the song "Where is the Edge" and it features footage from the film "Me & Mr Jones":

...as in "Where is the Edge" ...of the cliff Natalee Holloway's body was pitched off? What? Too much?

Bring on the Girls!!!

Bikini-clad Lisa Ann is consoling Rachel Starr the way all of us should be consoled...

by a topless, bikini-bottom-wearing adult starlet who would transform the process into a threesome ... As she SHOULD, dag nabbit!

Naughty Nikki Benz has a new clear plastic toy:

...and we don't mean a clear plastic barbie doll either Not unless they make Barbie dolls shaped like penises now.

Oh lord... Sabrina Maree is taking her shirt off...again:

Buy Why? It's not like she's got a sex toy lying around to play with uncontrollably... Oh wait... yes she DOES.

Our busty blond pal Gisele, who you have seen in countless FOUNDRY CAMS videos as well as her own site GOT GISELE, has returned to help us promote Retooled, the new FOUNDRY EP, available at all major online outlets. In the clip, Gisele makes some creative use out of a long shiny black light, while shaking her semi-clothed body to FOUNDRY's "Black Lights, Bright City" (Retooled by Rich DeCicco).
Thanks to Rich for the great remake. Thanks to Jon for the amazing editing, and thanks to Gisele for the rockin' bod.



Click on Gisele's impressive rack, then rock out with some FOUNDRY.
When your jaw stops swinging open, Go visit her at Got Gisele
...you can also Chat with Gisele LIVE on her cam

...and that, kids... is how we wrap up today's big-ass-salad of funs....

Visit some of our other hot properties, won't you?

We're on FourSquare...talking about all the cool shit we do... or wish we did

FOUNDRYNEWS is online, so we can do the blogging thing

Follow us on Twitter, or we'll send wolves to your house to gnaw at your privates

be our friend on Facebook, or we'll send AIDS-infested gerbils through your vents to bite you while you sleep

We've been on MYSPACE since the dawn of time. It was cavemen...and us...and Dane Cook.

We're also on POSTEROUS, so read that shit.

We also have a spot on this thing called NING, and that rhymes. Go us.

FRIEND FEED also has a spot for FoundryMusic... because we're in desperate need of friends.

Rapper hit by Ice Cream Truck, Montana Fishburne in a Music Video & Sex Tape, ROB ZOMBIE is still pissed at OZZY, IRON MAIDEN live in NYC, Sasha Grey and Veronika Zemanova get Naked

It's time for that mid-week fling, so clock out early and take a flirty co-worker to a local motel...

"Hump day" rolls off the tongue better than "Take a flirty co-worker to a local motel Day" and that's why the Greeks called it 'hump day' day in the first place. Yes, it was the Greeks. You think we just make this shit up?

THAT's TERRIBLE:
(Almost as terrible as your breath, clothes and hairline. It's a trifecta of 'Awful' Poolboy!)

If you're dumb enough to dance backwards into traffic, then you probably deserve to get smacked by an ice cream truck:

Just like this brilliant 26 year-old rapper who sauntered his way into traffic singing his own songs.

THAT's Not-So-TERRIBLE:


Montana Fishburne's Sex Tape is getting Bumped up (WWTDD)

We say 'Thank you' to the nice folks at Vivid Entertainment for Bringing the Montana Fishburne Sex Tape to Market... Excellent work, folks!

Speaking of the lovely Montana Fishburne, she's about to win the Nobel Prize for 'Disappointing Daddy' with her cameo in Brian Pumper's new rap video:

This li'l ditty is affectionately called "Oh and It's Shaved". It's about umm... shaving?


guess who's all growed up and getting naked in the movies? (Drunken Stepfather)

You want a hint? Hmm... Run, Forrest! Ruuuun!... Dead giveaway? Damn.

The Ten Most Notorious Nerd Queens (Gunaxin)

Drunken Internet Distractions (College Humor)

Alexis Ford has the Cadillac of Hineys (Freakshow Planet)

Girl Next Door: Jaime Young (Bullz-Eye)

IHC imagines The Expendables in the decade it should have happened: The 1980s (I Heart Chaos)

Alisha King is wearing an old-school fedora...and that's it. (Dailyniner)

20 Great TV Ad Campaigns for 20 Great Beers (BroBible)

Alexis Texas shows her young blond friend all about southern hospitality (z0d)


I'M SORRY:
(So sorry you have yet to develop a skill set beyond that of a shit-shoveler)

Someone is holding a grudge, aren't they? ROB ZOMBIE was being interviewed backstage at the Rockstar Energy Drink Mayhem Festival and ripped OZZY OSBOURNE...again:

Rob doesn't take too kindly to Ozzy taking his band members. second slam in a month, dammit.

...and when he's NOT pissed off ROB ZOMBIE makes happy music...well, depending on your definition of 'Happy':

Mo' Human 'den Human, mudderfuggers.

Holy crap. Who knew New York City had so many Headbangers? IRON MAIDEN is on tour now (click for them tix)...and they packed Madison Square Garden:

Manhattan Metalheads... Who knew?

From metal... we segue onto...MELONS!

Sultry skinny adult mega-starlet Sasha Grey can't get out of her skirt fast enough:

Sasha Grey is one of the few adult stars who can make THIS kind of smutty goodness and then go on to make mainstream films lke 'The Girlfriend Experience'

Busty Czech beauty Veronika Zemanova was born into poverty:

What better reason to use your fantastic female form to lift yourself out of the poorhouse.

Holy. Moley. Our Italian a beautiful young lady from FOUNDRY CAMS girl Dannie Gee or Danni G did a great job tearing up and re-working our old-school FoundryMusic T-shirt, and shaking her ass to "Kick in The Teeth" by PAPA ROACH from their upcoming album Time For Annihilation..On the Road, and On The Record:


Pick yourself up off the floor, wipe the drool off your chest...and then Head on over to FOUNDRY CAMS and Chat with Danni Gee/Danni G LIVE...and NUUUUDE (uh, yeah...we mean HER. Not you)

Visit some of our other hot properties, won't you?

We're on FourSquare...talking about all the cool shit we do... or wish we did

FOUNDRYNEWS is online, so we can do the blogging thing

Follow us on Twitter, or we'll send wolves to your house to gnaw at your privates

be our friend on Facebook, or we'll send AIDS-infested gerbils through your vents to bite you while you sleep

We've been on MYSPACE since the dawn of time. It was cavemen...and us...and Dane Cook.

We're also on POSTEROUS, so read that shit.

We also have a spot on this thing called NING, and that rhymes. Go us.

FRIEND FEED also has a spot for FoundryMusic... because we're in desperate need of friends.

Taiwan Freeway Rollover, Mel Gibson's Not-So-Friendly Audio, WINGER in NYC, JOE STUMP in Cincinnati, Bobbi Eden and Friend, Angelina Valentine is Frisky, Mason Moore is Oily

WooHoo! Weekend! Pants are Officially Optional! Especially if you plan on going out to a club and picking up a few ladies who may/may not be wearing any

Even if they showed up with guys, it's not your problem. It's a free world, and the ladies can go home with you if they want. The statistics on female adultery will blow your mind.

THAT's TERRIBLE:
(Just like your stench after a weekend of heavy drinking)

Car blows tire, cartwheels across highway in Taiwan, and gets broadsided by the very bus it just passed:

...and the soothing music continues to play in the bus as the carnage unfolds.

THAT's Not-So-TERRIBLE:


Mel Gibson is sensitive... wait, no he isn't (audio link) (WWTDD)


Saaay, whose surgically-enhanced, overly-tanned clam are these panties covering up? (Drunken Stepfather)

C'mon, guess! we promise we won't give away the answer... oh wait, we just did. Oopsie

Italian TV is Good - BOOBS! (Warming Glow)

Playboy's Keylee Parker has Perky Nubs...only really big ones (Freakshow Planet)

Girl Next Door: Lindsay Ann (Bullz-Eye)

Israeli Soldiers Get Busted for Dancing to Ke$ha's 'TiK ToK' on Patrol (The One) (URLesque)

Old Spice Guy on Boat Commercial (Todays Big Thing)

Zara is super-psyched about her new sex toy. It's a butt plug (Dailyniner)

Internet Sex Moves: Volume 2 (College Humor)

Sindy has a new Sex Toy, and her hands down her pants...she must have an itch (z0d)

7 Products You Should Never Buy Generic (FunnyCrave)

Twitter Shakes Things Up with California Earthquake (Campus Socialite)


I'M SORRY:
(Sorry that it's going to take you weeks to get your dried up puke cleaned off the living room sofa)

The guys in WINGER are still at it (laugh all you want, they still play better than you do) and here they are in New York City:

Performing "Seventeen" for a bunch of 35 year-olds.

Speaking of guys who play better than you, this is JOE STUMP. He shreds like Yngwie, teaches at Berklee, and does "Shred Clinics" like this one in Cincinnati:

...and the sad thing is he may still be living with his parents

From musicians to multi-talented mistresses

You probably have heard of Dutch adult starlet Bobbi Eden (that's what happens when you promise to give out free blow jobs):

This is a scene from BOBBI EDEN EXPOSED - which you can see on demand NOW.

2 women having a conversation in a kitchen, right? WRONG! it's Angelina Valentine and Mya Nichole - seconds before breaking out the sex toys:

This conversation is about all we can show you because the video gets very messy very quickly ...and the clean-up crew is going to need special stuff to get the bodily fluids off those granite counters.

So, you're into large-breasted tattooed girls with no inhibitions? then you should meet Mason Moore... she's about as filthy as they come/cum/whatever:

this clip is from BIG WET ASSES 17..and again, it's abuot all we can show you without the authorities showing up.

aaaaand what would an update from us be without a beautiful young lady from FOUNDRY CAMS shaking her ass to rock music, which happens to be from DROWNING POOL this time:


Stare into Shanelle's eyes... only for a moment, then Head on over to FOUNDRY CAMS and Chat with Shanelle LIVE...and nekkid (her, not you...genius)

Visit some of our other hot properties, won't you?

We're on FourSquare...talking about all the cool shit we do... or wish we did

FOUNDRYNEWS is online, so we can do the blogging thing

Follow us on Twitter, or we'll send wolves to your house to gnaw at your privates

be our friend on Facebook, or we'll send AIDS-infested gerbils through your vents to bite you while you sleep

We've been on MYSPACE since the dawn of time. It was cavemen...and us...and Dane Cook.

We're also on POSTEROUS, so read that shit.

We also have a spot on this thing called NING, and that rhymes. Go us.

FRIEND FEED also has a spot for FoundryMusic... because we're in desperate need of friends.

Monday Links: Longest Tongue on a Girl, Ta-Tas in a Tube Top, Heidi Montag in PLAYBOY agian, GUNS N ROSES live in NYC, ACE FREHLEY live in Australia

THAT's TERRIBLE:

Well, "Terrible" in the sense that we have no idea how to get in touch with this girl...




We don't know what's more distracting; the hair or the tongue. Wait, yeah...it's the hair.

THAT's NOT-SO TERRIBLE:

(but your bitching and moaning on the other hand, IS..so why not knock it off)





Whose boobs in a tube dress are these? (Drunken Stepfather)



Here's a hint -- you've seen her nailing more than one guy on video. She's what we'd refer to as a "Good Egg".





Heidi and her new Boobs will do PLAYBOY again (WWTDD)



...because she thinks she made a few mistakes when she did it the firs time.



THE WOLFMAN: Movie Review (Bullz-Eye)



Penthouse Pet Zoe Britton...is a Gal we'd sure like to Hit on...get it? (FreakshowPlanet)



The 5 Most Common Interview Questions and How to Answer Them (The Campus Throne)



'scuse me...while I kiss the Sky...Taylor, that is. (z0d)



Buck You! VIOLENT and AWESOME Credit Union Commercial! (Dave and Thomas)



Lupe Fuentes soaking wet in a Gold Bikini (Dailyniner)



So There's A Groin Kick World Record (GammaSquad)



20 Amazing Animal-Shaped Clouds (SuperTremendous)



I'M SORRY:

(Sorry that the only way you can boost your self esteem is to embrace people who have less than you do. Impressive.)

Not that anyone knew (except for the handful of VIPs who DID)...but GUNS N ROSES made a surprise appearance at The Rose Bar in NYC last night:



Totally acoustic. Totally packed room. Hard as hell to hear anything. Nice fu manchu, Axl.

Even though ACE FREHLEY has been sober for a while...



He still can't walk a straight line on stage. This is him in Australia singing the KISS classic, "Parasite"...and wobbling.

What's the fastest way to get a dopey girl like Kelly Devine to take her shirt off?



Tell her she's being attacked by bees. That'll get her topless in no time.

Sexy busty Czech LaTaya Roxx is taking her top off outside. Why, you ask?



Does it really matter WHY? No. No it doesn't. not one friggin' bit.

Meet rocket scientist A and rocket scientist B... Kendra and Starrie:



Despite their genius-level IQ's, they still find time to get naked and do cartwheels on the streets of Venice, CA.

Our FOUNDRY CAMS girl Brooke made us a finger-licking video. Rob Balducci sent us his new track "Choke". Together, they look like this:






Click on Brooke's Body, crack a beverage, and forget whatever you had planned for the day. she'll be online when you get done mopping up.

Visit some of our other hot properties, won't you?


FOUNDRYNEWS is online, so we can do the blogging thing



Follow us on Twitter, or we'll send wolves to your house to gnaw at your privates



be our friend on Facebook, or we'll send AIDS-infested gerbils through your vents to bite you while you sleep



We've been on MYSPACE since the dawn of time. It was cavemen...and us...and Dane Cook.



We're also on POSTEROUS, so read that shit.



We also have a spot on this thing called NING, and that rhymes. Go us.



FRIEND FEED also has a spot for FoundryMusic... because we're in desperate need of friends.

Friday Links: Weekend affairs and the Dancing Bear, Swinging Bass Guitar Fail, Link Loving, Bike Thief Beat Down, BODY COUNT live in LA, Gisele, Brianna Frost, Anna Song

It's a somber day. Time to pull out all the stops and plan that romantic weekend...with someone you're not married to.

This rose-covered hotel bed is brought to you by the people who encourage adulterous affairs on rose-covered hotel beds. They're like FEMA...only much sexier

or you could do nothing, and find out about how your weekend fling was trounced by the Dancing Bear...

he works out a lot. Girls dig that.

THAT's TERRIBLE:

You know those really cool guitar players who can swing their instruments around their bodies mid-performance?

This guy...is NOT one of them.

What's the fastest way to get your ass kicked by a bunch of bicycle messengers in New York City?

Steal One of their Bikes.

THAT's NOT-SO TERRIBLE:
(But your ass-awful attitude IS, so why not cheer up, Chesterfield)

Halle Berry Goes Shopping (Drunken Stepfather)..and and Halle Berry Goes TOPLESS.

Alyssa Reece in a Racy Red Outfit (z0d)

Featured Model: Maya (Bullz-Eye)

Prinzzess Sasha is no Princess. Far from it, in fact. (Daily Niner)

What If Dane Cook Was Negotiating With a Hooker? (Funnycrave)

Indian Accent Prank (yep Yep)

7 of the Loudest Women's Tennis Grunts (World of Isaac)

Valerie Cormier is so pretty, we umm... umm...wait, what were we saying? (Freakshow Planet)

Man Decorates His House With Cigarette Packs (DJMICK)

Who’s the Best Movie Prostitute? (Gunaxin)

You get What You Pay For (Dave & Thomas)

Top Ten Tough Guys in Hip-Hop (Recall)

Worker brings appetite, never food, to office party (Minimum Rage)

The Definitive List of 'The Final Countdown' Covers on the Internet (URLesque)

Viral Dance Video Playlist (College Humor)

I'M SORRY:
(Sorry that you cry your lonely ass to sleep every night because you suck at life)

Would you look at the boobs on Anna Song:

How she stuffs them into a nurse's uniform, we'll never know. Granted, they don't stay packed in for long

Speaking of bare bosoms, you remember Brianna Frost from her FOUNDRY CAMS videos, right?

She really must have a clothing objection. She can't keep her shirt on for very long at all.

From Boobs, we move to bands, and the boys in BODY COUNT, who ripped into their classic "Cop Killer" in Los Angeles:

ICE-T rocking the hardcore.

You remember the lovely Gisele from her many FOUNDRY CAMS:

Even if you don't remember her, you -- oh, who are we kidding? Of COURSE you remember her.

Speakng of our FOUNDRY CAMS girls, let's drool all over Maiya, Sweet Victoria, Kyra, and a slew of others grinding their asses in a Grinhouse-style tribute to our buds in SCUM OF THE EARTH:

CLICK ON MAIYA, DAMN YOU!

(and now to recap... for the people with the attention spans of flies. US included.)

Take a break from boning your roommate's fiancé and check what we added to the MEDIA SECTION:

Brianna Frost Breaks Free From Her Shirt
NYC Bike Thief Beat Down
Anna Song is a Naughty Busty Nurse
Swinging Bass Guitar Breaks Light
Melissa Dettwiller in the Luxor Hotel Lobby In A Bikini
BODY COUNT: 'Cop Killer' LIVE in Los Angeles
Gisele In Diamonds and Thigh-High Boots

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Break.com: NSFW videos (we put all the dirty vids in one location)
LiveVideo: FoundryMusic (updated daily)

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